You Cant Have An Intelligent Conversation With Everyone

Intelligent conversation is one of life's pleasures. I love nothing better than to engage in conversation with someone who has ideas to share, different perspectives, and is interesting. An intelligent conversation is food for the brain. All too sadly, not everyone can carry on an intelligent conversation. This has less to do with their intelligence quotient (IQ) than with their emotional quotient (EQ). Only a self-aware, self-confident person with excellent social skills has the ability to engage in intelligent conversation.

Intelligent conversation happens when people come together with a win/win attitude, don't try to change anyone's opinion, and are open to new ideas. Intelligent conversation is the bridge to greater understanding. People engage in intelligent conversation for no other reason but to explore, discover, and learn. There is no other agenda.

People who struggle with, or cannot hold, an intelligent conversation come with an agenda. They want to thrust their ideas onto others, get their point across, and will resort to personal attacks if necessary. They come with a win/lose mentality and are not interested in learning and discovering. His or her idea is the only one that matters, and anyone who doesn't agree is a threat. Intelligent conversation with these types of people is impossible and dangerous.

There are times when we can be in the middle of what we think is an intelligent conversation and discover that we are not. Don't try to deal rationally with such a person. It won't work. Their only concern is themselves and their ideas. If they feel threatened in any way, they will attack. The best thing you can do is remove yourself from the discussion. It is possible to continue the conversation - only now it won't be an intelligent one.

Don't assume that everyone wants an intelligent conversation. There are people who are not capable. That doesn't mean that you won't be able to converse with them. It just means that the conversation will be shallow and meaningless, which can be alright at times. Not every conversation has to be enlightening.

Coach Rachelle Disbennett-Lee, PhD, is a Certified Master Coach specializing in working with business owners and professionals in being more profitable and productive while staying sane and balanced. Coach Lee is the publisher of the award winning e-zine, 365 Days of Coaching. Her first book, 365 Days of Coaching ? Because Life Happens Every Day (Universal Publisher, 2004) was named a finalist for Best Book 2004 by Publish.com and has a five star rating on Amazon.com. Visit Coach Lee at her websites http://www.coachlee.com and http://www.365daysofcoaching.com. True Direction, Inc. Copyright > > > This article along with byline attached may be freely republished < <

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President-elect Barack Obama gestures during a news conference at his transition office in Washington, Wednesday, Jan. 7, 2009, where he introduced Nancy Killefer, not shown, to the newly created position of chief performance officer. (AP Photo/Lawrence Jackson)AP - Pointing with concern to "red ink as far as the eye can see," President-elect Barack Obama pledged Wednesday to tackle out-of-control Social Security and Medicare spending and named a special watchdog to clamp down on other federal programs — even as he campaigned anew to spend the largest pile of taxpayer money in history to revive the sinking economy.



In this handout image provided by the Israeli Defence Forces' Spokesman's Office late Wednesday Jan. 7, 2009, handcuffed and blindfolded Palestinian prisoners are seen after they were arrested, during the army's operations in the northern Gaza Strip. (AP Photo/IDF's Spokesman's Office/ho)AP - Israeli airstrikes and Hamas rockets resumed after a brief pause Wednesday to allow food and fuel to reach Palestinian civilians in Gaza, where an Israeli warplane dropped leaflets urging some residents to flee because of imminent attacks.



Illinois U.S. Senate Appointee Roland Burris smiles as he meets with Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nev. on Capitol Hill in Washington, Wednesday, Jan. 7, 2009. (AP Photo/Susan Walsh)AP - Roland Burris said Wednesday he should be able to join the Senate "very shortly," after talking to newly supportive Democratic leaders and working on lingering legal obstacles. Talking to reporters on the second day of a Washington power odyssey that would intimidate many, the 71-year-old Burris declared himself happy and said he was pleased with his meeting with Sens. Harry Reid and Dick Durbin.



President-elect Barack Obama is welcomed by President George W. Bush for a meeting at the White House in Washington, Wednesday, Jan. 7, 2009, with former presidents, from left, George H.W. Bush, Bill  Clinton, and Jimmy Carter.  (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)AP - Confronting a grim economy and a Middle East on fire, Barack Obama turned Wednesday to perhaps the only people on the planet who understand what he's in for: the four living members of the U.S. presidents' club.



New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson answers questions from the press regarding his withdrawal as the nominee for secretary of the Commerce Department Wednesday Jan. 7, 2008 in Albuquerque, N.M. (AP Photo/Craig Fritz)AP - One of Gov. Bill Richardson's close friends and advisers worked as a consultant for the California firm at the center of a federal pay-to-play probe that derailed the governor's appointment as commerce secretary.



Republican Norm Coleman along with his wife Laurie and several supporters announces he is suing to challenge the results of the U.S. Senate recount during a press conference Tuesday Jan. 6, 2009 at the State Office Building in St. Paul, Minn.  Coleman lost the recount to Democratic  candidate Al Franken by 225 votes. (AP Photo/Dawn VIllella)AP - Minnesota's grueling U.S. Senate race, already dragging on two months past Election Day, has now moved even further from the voters — and into the hands of lawyers.



This undated handout illustration provided by The Johns Hopkins University shows the massive 30-foot wingspan of the toothless pteranodon, left, was surpassed by that of Hatzegopteryx, right, at 40 feet or more. Pterosaurs, sometimes weighed more than 500 pounds, and yet they soared above the other dinosaurs. Experts couldn't figure out how  because no bird can get that big could get off the ground. A new study has figured out how they did it: By leaping into the air from all fours - unlike any other flyers in history (except the vampire bats). (AP Photo/Johns Hopkins University, Mark Witton)AP - The Jurassic version of jumbo jets — huge flying creatures weighing hundreds of pounds — is a mystery of dinosaur-era flight: How did something so big get off the ground? A Johns Hopkins University biologist thinks he has figured out the answer.



In this photo provided by the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill School of Medicine, Shannon Eubanks, left, her new baby Kathleen Conley Eubanks, and husband Gaston Eubanks share a moment in the hospital in Chapel Hill, N.C. Tuesday Jan. 6, 2009. Eubanks waited until she reached the 39th week of her pregnancy to schedule a Caesarean section to deliver her daughter. A study in the Jan. 8 issue of the New England Journal of Medicine shows that babies have fewer health problems if planned C-sections are done during the week before the due date. (AP Photo/University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill School of Medicine, Stephanie Crayton)AP - Babies do better after a scheduled Caesarean section if they're born no sooner than seven days before their due date, a new large study of U.S. births shows. Those delivered earlier had more complications, including breathing problems, even though they were full term, the researchers reported in Thursday's New England Journal of Medicine. Even just a few days made a difference, they said.



AP - An eastern Pennsylvania man may face up to 37 years in prison for tearing open a neighbor's door with a chain saw. Police say 34-year-old Robert Kane began sawing through the front door of Jamie Zaleski's apartment in Scranton while Zaleski and several friends ran out the back.

In this Nov. 30, 2008 file photo, New York Jets coach Eric Mangini looks up at the scoreboard during the fourth quarter of an NFL football game against the Denver Broncos at Giants Stadium in East Rutherford, N.J. The Cleveland Browns have agreed to hire Eric Mangini as their head coach, a person with knowledge of the negotiations told The Associated Press, Wednesday, Jan. 7, 2009. (AP Photo/Bill Kostroun, File)AP - The Cleveland Browns will hire Eric Mangini as their next head coach, a person with knowledge of the negotiations told The Associated Press. Mangini, fired last week by the New York Jets, will be introduced at a Thursday news conference at the team's headquarters in Berea, said the person, who spoke on condition of anonymity because Mangini's contract has not been finalized. Mangini reached an agreement with the club Wednesday, the person said.



President Bush greets President-elect Barack Obama at the White House, November 10, 2008. (Joshua Roberts/Reuters)Reuters - The U.S. budget deficit will swell to a record $1.186 trillion in fiscal 2009, congressional forecasters said on Wednesday, the result of an economic recession that has cut tax receipts and caused massive government bailouts of banks and automakers.



An Israeli soldier jumps off an armoured personnel carrier (APC) after crossing into Israel from the northern Gaza Strip January 7, 2009. (Amir Cohen/Reuters)Reuters - Israeli aircraft and tanks pounded the Gaza Strip on Wednesday and troops battled Palestinian guerrillas on the ground as U.S. backing for a proposed truce raised expectations of an end to the 12-day-old offensive.



United Auto Workers (UAW) President Ron Gettelfinger (C) addresses the media as UAW Vice-Presidents listen at the UAW Solidarity House in Detroit, Michigan December 12, 2008. (Rebecca Cook/Reuters)Reuters - United Auto Workers bargaining teams are arriving this week in Detroit as the union gears up for negotiations with General Motors Corp and Chrysler LLC, which are mandated to cut labor costs under a $17.4 billion federal bailout.



Senate-designate Roland Burris talks with Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid in Reid's office on Capitol Hill, January 7, 2009. (Larry Downing/Reuters)Reuters - In an abrupt switch, Democratic leaders began talks on Wednesday to swear in Roland Burris, appointed by embattled Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich to replace President-elect Barack Obama in the U.S. Senate.



Eggs are stacked up at an egg farm in San Diego County, July 29, 2008. (Mike Blake/Reuters)Reuters - An outbreak of salmonella food poisoning has made 388 people sick across 42 states, sending 18 percent of them to the hospital, U.S. health officials said on Wednesday.



A man walks past a store advertising a sale in Virginia, November 28, 2008. (Larry Downing/Reuters)Reuters - Job losses and plans to lay off workers hammered the struggling U.S. economy in the final month of 2008, according to private reports that could foreshadow surprisingly grim labor market data from the government on Friday.



A door gunner on a U.S. Army Chinook helicopter keeps a watch on the terrain during a resupply mission in eastern Afghanistan December 25, 2008. (Bob Strong/Reuters)Reuters - Defense Secretary Robert Gates has told Congress that a planned buildup of U.S. forces in Afghanistan could add $5.5 billion to U.S. war costs in the current federal fiscal year, officials said on Wednesday.



Bernard Madoff is escorted in a vehicle from Federal Court in New York, January 5, 2009. (Lucas Jackson/Reuters)Reuters - Accused swindler Bernard Madoff mailed $1 million worth of diamonds, watches and other jewelry violating a court order, U.S. prosecutors said on Wednesday while demanding the disgraced investment adviser be jailed.



Smoke billows following an Israel air strike in Rafah near the Gaza Strip's border with Egypt. Israel on Wednesday approved an even tougher war on Hamas, warning residents to flee southern Gaza ahead of planned bombing of cross-border tunnels, as the Palestinian death toll passed 700.(AFP/Said Khatib)AFP - Israel on Wednesday approved an even tougher war on Hamas, warning residents to flee southern Gaza ahead of planned bombing of cross-border tunnels, as the Palestinian death toll passed 700.



A local worker controls a gas valve and the gas pressure at the gas-main center of FGSZ Natural Gas, in Vecses, Hungary. Russian President Dmitry Medvedev on Wednesday laid down terms for a resumption of Russian gas shipments via Ukraine to Europe as tens of thousands of Europeans suffered heating cuts amid freezing weather.(AFP/Attila Kisbenedek)AFP - Russian President Dmitry Medvedev on Wednesday laid down terms for a resumption of Russian gas shipments via Ukraine to Europe as tens of thousands of Europeans suffered heating cuts amid freezing weather.




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