Mid Life Crisis, Life Transitions, & Ontological Coaching

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Mid Life Crisis, Life Transitions, & Ontological Coaching

Mid Life Crisis, Life Transitions, & Ontological Coaching

Recently I have been watching a TV show called Blowout. It is a reality show about a hair designer, Jonathan Antin who struggles to get his Beverly Hills salon up and running. Not only do the Hollywood stars visit his shop but also many other women come in for makeovers with the hope that they too will look like the rich and famous. In fact, when their makeovers are finished they really do look more glamorous than when they walked in. Actually, the TV is filled with shows like these including the famous Extreme Makeover and Dr. 90214, which depicts Beverly Hill's plastic surgeons reshaping and changing the appearances of women of all ages. In these shows the women, in particular, discuss how they feel stuck in a midlife crisis or are anxious about a life transition.

When I am at the fitness center I observe women and men of all ages and sizes feverishly working out. Personally, I think it is tremendous that women are working to create a new persona for themselves. It would be simple to conclude that these women are just focusing on their outward appearances. I do not know if this is the case or not. My hope would be that women are just as concerned with their mental and spiritual health as well as their physical appearance. I believe many are doing just that, but what about those who are not? What about those women who sense a lack of direction or purpose in life, which can be associated with a mid life crisis? What about those women who are dealing with a life transition and are anxious about their abilities to handle it or just feeling overwhelmed by life itself?

Often there is a stigma attached to seeing a psychologist, entering into therapy or counseling or seeking guidance from a religious institution. Certainly if one is severely depressed, suffering from addictions or other mental and spiritual disorders then counseling or therapy is indeed appropriate. But what about a healthy person who does just feel stuck, lacking a direction in life, or overwhelmed, is there a place for them to turn? The answer to that may lie in being coached. Ontological Coaching, in particular, is not about transforming one's personality. It begins with the premise that the person is healthy and their self is intact. Ontological Coaching is about opening up new horizons of learning, which in turn expands how you observe future possibilities and opportunities. In essence, this is how you view your very being or soul.

How is Ontological Coaching different from other forms of coaching? The answer lies in its expanded view of language. The desire to alter outcomes or improve an individual's performance is a central goal in traditional as well as ontological coaching. The difference is found in the process. In traditional coaching one typically observes an action, the results of that action is assessed, a determination is made as to what is missing, the actions are then modified, the modified actions are taken, and then the cycle is repeated. This approach does tend to improve the effectiveness and efficiency of the known actions. However, the assessment is only concerned with the known actions or possibilities that the client sees as reality. I believe when someone is suffering, perhaps in the throes of a mid life crisis or a life transition it is because their self or the ability of the self to observe future possibilities or opportunities is limited or narrow in scope. In Ontological Coaching a new element is added to the process. This critical piece is the language of the observer. Suffering is a linguistic or social phenomenon as opposed to pain, which is a biological phenomenon.

It is well known that our results have a great deal to do with our actions or lack of actions. What is less clear is that our actions themselves have to do with the observer that we are or the way we "see things". We tend to think we observe reality as it is but what we really are observing is reality as we observe it. Each individual has his or her own way of observing and thus each has his or her own interpretation of reality. What this means is if we constrain ourselves to our own observations then we are limiting the sphere of future possibilities to what we deem as reality. We become caught in the drift of life. When we reach intersections, such as a mid life crisis or life transition, we are blocked by our own transparent actions or habits. We then become trapped or stuck in our own interpretations. What we deem capable of producing as future action becomes limited. As you can see there is nothing necessarily psychologically wrong, our self or being is intact, it is just limited by our language, which includes our power of observation and the development of future possibilities through speaking and listening.

Why then does this make ontological coaching more effective than traditional coaching, especially in the long run? The answer lies in the ability to expand the coachee's interpretations and therefore their future possibilities and opportunities. Ontologically we claim that the observer or the self of each individual is comprised of three elements, our language, our emotions and moods, and our physical presence (both biological and postural). By working within the sphere of these three elements and, in particular, expanding the domain of our language the ontological coach can shift the observer and the self of his coachee. The result is not just goals that are more effective and efficient, but ones that are expanded to contain new possibilities and opportunities never thought possible by the individual.

Robert Wummer of http://IntersectionsCoaching.com is an ontological coach who specializes in life's transitional times and the intersection (or collision) of an individual's personal and professional goals. His work is extremely effective in the development of integral leadership practices.

In The News:

Yahoo! News: Top Stories

Democrats: Obama needs hands-on economic approach (AP)

AP - Democrats are growing impatient with President-elect Barack Obama's refusal to inject himself in the major economic crises confronting the country. Obama has sidestepped some policy questions by saying there is only one president at a time. But the dodge is wearing thin. "He's going to have to be more assertive than he's been," House Financial Services Committee Chairman Barney Frank, D-Mass., told consumer advocates Thursday.

India names Pakistani masterminds, date plot to 07 (AP)

AP - A Pakistani militant group apparently used an Indian operative as far back as 2007 to scout targets for the elaborate plot against India's financial capital, authorities said Thursday, a blow to Indian officials who have blamed the deadly attacks entirely on Pakistani extremists.

Carmakers' bailout pleas hit Senate skepticism (AP)

AP - Desperate U.S. automakers ran into fresh obstacles from skeptical lawmakers Thursday as they appealed with rising urgency and a new dose of humility for a $34 billion bailout. Without help, said one senator, "we're looking at a death sentence."

US mulls unusual tactic as Blackwater charges loom (AP)

AP - Blackwater Worldwide guards involved in the deadly 2007 Baghdad shooting of Iraqi civilians could face mandatory 30-year prison sentences under an aggressive anti-drug law being considered as the Justice Department readies indictments, people close to the case said.

Hillary Clinton scrambles to reduce massive campaign debt (AP)

AP - With just weeks before President-elect Barack Obama is sworn in, his choice for secretary of state, Hillary Rodham Clinton, is scrambling to reduce massive campaign debt before federal ethics rules prohibit her from doing so.

Woman swept to sea during proposal on Oregon coast (AP)

AP - A romantic marriage proposal on the Oregon coast turned deadly for the bride-to-be when a wave swept her out to sea. Scott Napper had taken 22-year-old Leafil Alforque to Proposal Rock near Neskowin Beach to pop the question at a place that got its name from couples ready to marry. Napper and Alforque had been dating since they met on the Internet in 2005.

Study suggests good cheer may spread itself (AP)

AP - When you're smiling, the whole world really does smile with you. A paper being published Friday in a British medical journal concludes that happiness is contagious and that people pass on their good cheer even to total strangers. American researchers who tracked more than 4,700 people in Framingham, Mass., as part of a 20-year heart study also found the transferred happiness is good for up to a year.

Ex-'CHiPs' star Estrada to patrol with Ind. police (AP)

AP - Erik Estrada has returned to Muncie to take part in overnight police patrols in the city where he starred in the short-lived reality series "Armed & Famous." The former star of the 1970s motorcycle cop drama "CHiPs" is a reserve officer on the Muncie Police Department.

Man allegedly assaults girlfriend with burger (AP)

AP - A Vero Beach man faces a domestic violence charge after authorities said he assaulted his girlfriend with a cheeseburger. An Indian River County Sheriff's Office arrest report said a 22-year-old man and his girlfriend got into an argument as they sat in a car in front of their home.

Pierce to talk to authorities Friday (AP)

AP - Antonio Pierce and the doctor who treated his New York Giants teammate Plaxico Burress after he accidentally shot himself at a Manhattan nightclub will talk to investigators Friday.

Senators grill auto CEOs, eye GM-Chrysler deal (Reuters)

Reuters - The CEOs of General Motors Corp and Chrysler LLC said they would consider restarting talks about a merger during a nearly six-hour congressional grilling on the industry's pleas for $34 billion in government aid.

AT&T cuts 12,000 jobs (Reuters)

Reuters - Top U.S. phone company AT&T Inc said it will eliminate 12,000 jobs, or about 4 percent of its workforce, in a fresh wave of cuts to cope with an economic downturn that has exacerbated a decline in traditional phone sales.

Europeans cut interest rates sharply to fight crisis (Reuters)

Reuters - Central banks in Europe slashed their benchmark interest rates by record amounts on Thursday to fight the global economic crisis, while U.S. automakers pleaded for a bailout to avoid collapse.

Pakistan vows to hunt Mumbai attack plotters (Reuters)

Reuters - U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said on Thursday Pakistan had given assurances of its commitment to root out terrorism and round up anyone connected to last week's attack in the Indian city of Mumbai.

Iraq Presidency Council approves U.S. troop pact (Reuters)

Reuters - Iraq's Presidency Council has approved a security pact with the United States that paves the way for a complete U.S. troop pullout by the end of 2011, a spokesman for the council said on Thursday.

Russia's Putin makes warm overtures to Obama (Reuters)

Reuters - The United States will quickly feel a change in attitude from Moscow if President-elect Barack Obama transforms Washington's policies toward Russia, Prime Minister Vladimir Putin said on Thursday.

Thai king ill, misses much-anticipated speech (Reuters)

Reuters - Thailand's revered and influential king missed his traditional birthday eve address due to illness on Thursday, a speech many Thais had hoped would provide short-term relief to the country's intractable political crisis.

Arab-American hate crimes down since 9/11 (Reuters)

Reuters - Hate crimes against Arab Americans have decreased steadily since the September 11 attacks but are still more common than they were before the hijackings, a civil rights group said on Thursday.

European central banks slash interest rates to tackle recession (AFP)

AFP - Leading European central banks took historic action Thursday to ward off spreading recessions, slashing their key lending rates to boost businesses and consumers.

Bombers hit Fallujah as Iraq-U.S. pact endorsed (AFP)

AFP - Car bombers killed at least 15 people in a former rebel bastion on Thursday as Iraq's security pact with Washington won final approval before its launch at the end of the month.

Mid Life Crisis, Life Transitions, & Ontological Coaching

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