Ignorance is the most common trap in the business of divorce, so becoming informed is crucial. However, friends, relatives and "common knowledge" are the worst and most expensive sources of advice. Use these for moral support, but when they give you advice, just smile and say "Thank You" but do not take it seriously. If you didn't get the advice from a reputable book or an attorney, don't trust it! Just because you like or trust someone doesn't make them right. And if you take bad advice, who pays the price? You do--perhaps for the rest of your life.
Millions of people have done their own divorces since self-help law was established in 1971, so you can probably do it too. If you do need an attorney for help, one of your biggest problems is going to be finding the right one. Not just any lawyer will do.
If you have trouble with some part of doing your own divorce, or if you and your spouse are trying to work out terms and get stuck, or if you need more information or legal advice, or for any reason at all, you may decide that a little time spent in conference with an attorney would be worthwhile. Instead of having a lawyer do the whole job, you might have him or her help you with just part of it. Some attorneys might not be willing to this. You have to shop around.
Shopping for an attorney is very much like shopping for melons. You have to check the prices and see if they "feel" right to you. You have the right to ask questions, look things over, and be choosy about whom you hire to take on such a major personal role in your life.
The best way to find an attorney is through some friend or trusted person who has had a satisfactory personal experience with one. But don't forget to check things out for yourself. Don't be intimidated. Call around on the telephone to find out how much an initial interview will cost, and how much the whole case might cost. See if you like the way the attorney and the law office staff treat you. If you only want some advice on part of doing your own divorce, ask ahead of time to see if they are willing to do this and find out what their rates are for consultations.
Most attorneys will do the first interview for nothing or for a very small fee, perhaps $15 to $25. Hourly rates run from $50 to $200 per hour, but $100 is pretty common. Price is not everything--it has to feel right. Talk to the attorney to see if you like the experience.
Why You Should Not Retain an Attorney
It is okay to use an attorney, but most people should never retain one in their divorce case unless there is a clear reason for doing so. When you retain an attorney, the attorney takes professional responsibility to act on your behalf--to represent you. You are literally handing over your power and authority to act.
Our system of justice is known as "the adversary system." It began in the middle ages when trial by combat meant that whoever survived was right. This approach to justice forms the basis of our legal system today. The attorney works in our system as a combatant, but that is not what you want for solving family and personal problems. Law schools do not require courses in counseling or communications. They teach aggressive and defensive strategy and how to get the advantage in every case. Lawyers are taught to look for problems, not solutions.
Lawyers are taught to act in ways that will complicate your case and make it worse instead of better. They tend to take cases into court quickly, even when that is likely to cause upset and make settlement more difficult.
Never forget that when you retain an attorney, the more trouble you have, the more money the attorney makes. That's hardly an incentive to keep things simple. But keeping things simple is what you want to have the best possible divorce.
Copyright 2005 Ed Sherman
Ed Sherman is a family law attorney, divorce expert, and founder of Nolo Press. He started the self-help law movement in 1971 when he published the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and founded the paralegal industry in 1973. With more than a million books sold, Ed has saved the public billions of dollars in legal fees while making divorce go more smoothly and easily for millions of readers. You can order his books from http://www.nolodivorce.com or by calling (800) 464-5502.
AP - The reality that the nation is indeed in recession and that the downturn may well be prolonged sent Wall Street plunging Monday, hurtling the Dow Jones industrials down nearly 700 points and wiping out more than half of last week's big gains. All the major indicators fell more than 7 percent, with the Standard & Poor's 500 index down nearly 9 percent.
AP - President-elect Barack Obama picked a national security team headed by former campaign rival Hillary Rodham Clinton and Bush administration holdover Robert Gates on Monday, and said he wants to consult with military commanders before settling on a firm timetable to withdraw U.S. combat troops from Iraq.
AP - The U.S. economy has been in a recession since December 2007, the National Bureau of Economic Research said Monday. The NBER a private, nonprofit research organization said its group of academic economists who determine business cycles met and decided that the U.S. recession began last December.
AP - India demanded Monday that Pakistan take "strong action" against those behind the deadly Mumbai attacks, and Washington pressured Islamabad to cooperate with the investigation.
AP - President George W. Bush says history will judge him, but he is getting his own crack first. Bush is using his final 50 days in office to tout his legacy, hoping to leave a lasting impression of overshadowed progress. On Monday, World AIDS Day, Bush was heralded for his leadership in fighting the disease, a point that even his Democratic critics readily concede.
AP - The parents of the television anchorwoman who was beaten to death said Monday there is evidence their daughter also was sexually assaulted, and that she broke her hand fighting her attacker. Five days after a suspect was arrested in the Oct. 20 beating of KATV anchorwoman Anne Pressly, Guy and Patti Cannady said on NBC's "Today" that the family still has many questions about the killing.
AP - Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin urged Georgia voters to back Sen. Saxby Chambliss in Tuesday's runoff in an election eve appeal that underscored her popularity within the Republican Party and the GOP's efforts to stave off erosion of its shrinking Senate numbers.
AP - Plaxico Burress was led out of a police precinct in handcuffs Monday after surrendering on a weapons possession charge, and authorities said that teammate Antonio Pierce is being investigated over his role in an accidental shooting at a Manhattan nightclub.
Reuters - U.S. President-elect Barack Obama named former rival Hillary Clinton as secretary of state on Monday and said Robert Gates would remain defense secretary in a national security team charged with recasting America's leadership role in the world.
Reuters - Stocks tumbled on Monday as news pointing to the deepening economic slump around the world erased much of last week's sharp gains, with financial services companies and retailers among Wall Street's biggest casualties.
Reuters - India demanded Pakistan take decisive action over deadly attacks in Mumbai it said were carried out by militants from its nuclear-armed rival, while the West urged cooperation to ease tension.
Reuters - President George W. Bush said the biggest regret of his presidency was flawed intelligence that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction and told ABC "World News" in an interview airing on Monday that he was unprepared for war when he took office.
Reuters - The U.S. economy has slumped into a recession, the nation's business cycle arbiter declared on Monday, while European leaders clashed over how much public money to spend tackling a deepening downturn.
Reuters - U.S. House of Representatives Speaker Nancy Pelosi met leading governors on Monday to discuss the size and shape of an economic stimulus package that one Democratic aide said was likely to cost around $500 billion.
Reuters - Thai protesters prepared to end their three-month occupation of the Prime Minister's office on Monday to consolidate their grip on the main airport ahead of a court verdict that could dissolve the elected government.
Reuters - Federal authorities arrested the mayor of Birmingham, Alabama, on Monday in a corruption probe surrounding a massive sewer bond debt that has forced Jefferson County to the brink of bankruptcy.
AFP - Barack Obama on Monday nominated Hillary Clinton to be his "tough," "smart" secretary of state as his former foe vowed to give her all to steer America through a storm of international crises.
AFP - India on Monday formally accused "elements" in Pakistan of being behind the devastating Islamic militant attacks in Mumbai and demanded that Islamabad take "strong action".
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