Marching Towards Mothers Day

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Marching Towards Mothers Day

Marching Towards Mothers Day

"Mother: the most beautiful word on the lips of mankind." -Kahil Gibran

This coming Sunday is our "big day," moms. It's the one day a year when we get officially honored for what it is that we do. I don't know about you, but I usually find myself reflecting on exactly what my role is, anyway. Motherhood has evolved over the past two generations into a job which, many would argue, looks far different than the job our own mothers knew. And given the unfortunate-and oftentimes divisive-dichotomy between "working mom" and "stay-at-home mom" with which many categorize themselves, the job description sometimes gets fuzzier, rather than clearer. Does extensive volunteer work place you under the "working" or "stay-at-home" group? Does a part-time position at your kids' school or at your church push you out of the group with which you always identified yourself? And our role changes, after all, as our kids grow up. Options-as well as the resulting disequilibrium in shifting family dynamics-intrude on what once was a fairly easy job description to comprehend.

Controversy about motherhood is nothing new. Thousands of books, articles and commentaries have been written about our dilemmas ad nauseam. As if forty-and fifty something moms haven't wrestled long enough with their career-parenting decisions, young moms get additional fuel for their fires with glaring mainstream media headlines-just in time for Mother's Day. Throw in a new poll or two-as well as more advice and analysis by traditional parenting "experts"-M.D.'s and Ph.D.'s-and you have more psychobabble than the baby-burble running down these sleep-deprived mommy's sleeves!

Articles like the New York Times "The Opt-Out Revolution"; best-sellers like Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety; and critics calling motherhood everything from a "trap" to a "cult" to a "myth" to a "mess," turn notions about our role upside down and leave moms everywhere confused and conflicted. Look at some recent media messages:

? Author/journalist Judith Warner of Perfect Madness fame claims that: "a substantial number of GenX moms (are) too focused on perfection, too focused on their children, too competitive with one another, and that it's driving all moms crazy and providing their kids with no benefits." She asserts that there's an "oppressive culture of 'total motherhood' that "leaves no room for mothers' own interests" with "suffocation" the direct result.

? Sumru Erkut of the Center for Research on Women at Wellesley College, asserts that: societal expectations for moms have been "racheted up by professional moms who've 'upgraded motherhood to a bigger job than it used to be'" and views these moms as having "misplaced vigor."

? New York Times book critic Judith Shulevitz, commenting on Warner (who said that motherhood has gone from "art" to "cult") calls the job a "mess" and motherhood a "trap powered by fear of a loss of face."

? A recent article by journalist Meredith O'Brien in an online Boston paper headlines with: The Mommy Myth: Mothers pay a high price to be perfect. (Since when did we start attaching the word "myth" to "mommy?")

Pretty bleak picture of motherhood, huh? Hold onto your pantyhose. These journalists only paint part of the story. I dug into the facts, studied their articles, read the data and checked out their credentials. I came up with a totally different picture of motherhood and boldly challenge their assertions:

? A brand new poll (April 25) by ClubMom reveals that 63% of moms admit to feeling no pressure to live up to a "society-driven version of the 'perfect mom.'" This same poll finds that most moms are "happy" with their family relationships.

? 51% of those GenXer's they're talking about have traded super careers for motherhood because when they viewed the trade-offs required to "gun" their own careers (and some believe, through direct observation of their own working moms), they decided that the sacrifices required just weren't worth it.

? 79% of moms overall rate their own sense of well-being an "A" or "B"; 84% believe they are able to keep their minds sharp and active; and 76% rate their overall health (mental and physical) as high.

? In stark contrast to the "trap" or "mess" that these experts call motherhood, polls find that only 10% of working moms would choose to work full-time if money were no object, i.e. some 90% of moms would prefer the "trap" of motherhood to the workforce.

? Of Harvard Business School's women graduates of '81, '85, and '91-women currently in the fortysomething crowd-only 38% are working full-time.

? 26% of women at the cusp of the most senior levels of management do not want that next promotion, choosing more time at home with family over career advancement.

This job of motherhood is huge, it is vitally important, and those of us on the frontlines know it. Moms at home raising children today are there because we view our job as the most important one ever invented. I am working hard to help "put motherhood with excellence back on the map." That's what "rocket mom" is all about. I uphold with unapologetic optimism the distinct role we mothers play in shaping human destiny. If that's called "over parenting" or a "myth" or a "cult" or a "trap" or a "mess," than somebody better wake up and flip the pancakes.

I don't have all the answers; in fact, I have only a few. I don't pretend to be the world's best mother; just ask my kids how often I throw up my hands in frustration and resignation. But I am intent of helping moms-and our culture at large-review and renew the importance of what we do. I don't care if you work in the home or work in a beautiful office; divisions among moms are unhealthy. Truth is, once we have children, we're all in this together.

I just wish to inspire you, encourage you, and celebrate with you, the honorable role we play in shaping this whole next generation to greatness. On Mother's Day. And everyday.

Happy celebration!

Carolina Fernandez earned an M.B.A. and worked at IBM and as a stockbroker at Merrill Lynch before coming home to work as a wife and mother of four. She totally re-invented herself along the way. Strong convictions were born about the role of the arts in child development; homeschooling for ten years provided fertile soil for devising creative parenting strategies. These are played out in ROCKET MOM! 7 Strategies To Blast You Into Brilliance. It is available on Amazon.com, in bookstores everywhere, or by calling 888-476-2493. She writes extensively for a variety of parenting resources and teaches other moms via parenting classes and radio and TV interviews. Please visit http://www.rocketmom.com to subscribe to her free ezine and get a weekly shot of inspiration.

In The News:

Yahoo! News: Top Stories

Democrats criticize Obama's proposed tax cuts (AP)

AP - President-elect Barack Obama's proposed tax cuts ran into opposition Thursday from senators in his own party who said they wouldn't do much to stimulate the economy or create jobs. Senators from both parties agreed that Congress should do something to stimulate the economy. But Democratic senators emerging from a private meeting of the Senate Finance Committee criticized business and individual tax cuts in Obama's stimulus plan.

Obama warns of dire consequences without stimulus (AP)

AP - President-elect Barack Obama urged Congress Thursday to work with him "day and night, on weekends if necessary" to approve the largest taxpayer-funded stimulus ever, warning in almost apocalyptic terms that a dire economic future was certain without it.

Burris denies any improper deals for Senate seat (AP)

AP - Roland Burris says he's never been involved in an improper deal and didn't strike any agreement to become Gov. Rod Blagojevich's pick for the U.S. Senate. But Burris declined to say whether Blagojevich should resign or be impeached.

UN truck comes under deadly fire in Gaza (AP)

AP - The U.N. suspended aid shipments in the Gaza Strip on Thursday and the Red Cross restricted its convoys after their trucks came under Israeli fire. The threat of a wider conflict arose when militants in Lebanon fired two rockets into northern Israel.

Prosecutors say Madoff was ready to send out $173M (AP)

AP - Prosecutors said Thursday that investigators found 100 signed checks worth $173 million in Bernard Madoff's office desk that he was ready to send out to his closest family and friends at the time of his arrest last month in what is alleged to be largest financial fraud in history.

Shooting by Oakland, Calif., officer sparks violent protests (AP)

AP - Heavy police presence greeted Bay Area Rapid Transit commuters Thursday, a day after more than 100 people were arrested in violent protests over the fatal shooting of an unarmed black man by a transit police officer.

Mosquitoes match wing beats before mating (AP)

AP - Researchers at Cornell University have discovered that Aedes aegypti mosquitoes the ones that spread diseases like yellow and dengue fever alter their wing vibrations in a mating signal.

Travolta plans private memorial for son in Florida (AP)

AP - John Travolta and his family were expected to host a private memorial service Thursday for their son, 16-year-old Jett Travolta, at their home in a central Florida gated community.

Man allegedly caused flats with nails in driveways (AP)

AP - Police in upstate New York say a man has been sprinkling roofing nails on the driveways of people he didn't like to cause flat tires for two years. Stony Point police Lt. Peter Quinn said Michael Delisio was arrested Tuesday after an officer staking out one victim's home saw nails being thrown from Delisio's car.

AP source: Smoltz agrees to deal with Boston (AP)

AP - After more than two decades with the Atlanta Braves, John Smoltz is likely to finish his stellar career wearing a different uniform.

Obama pushes stimulus, warns on recession (Reuters)

Reuters - President-elect Barack Obama warned on Thursday that the U.S. economy could stay mired in recession for years without bold action and he urged lawmakers to work day and night to pass a massive stimulus plan.

Citi backs mortgage bankruptcy reform: Senators (Reuters)

Reuters - Financial giant Citigroup Inc has agreed to support a controversial rewrite of U.S. bankruptcy law aimed at helping troubled mortgage borrowers, three Democratic senators said on Thursday.

U. N. agency, Red Cross criticize Israel as Gaza toll hits 765 (Reuters)

Reuters - Palestinians in the Gaza Strip faced worsening conditions on Thursday after two aid drivers were killed and their U.N. agency halted work, saying staff were at risk from Israeli forces fighting Hamas militants.

Wal-Mart and other retailers warn after weak December (Reuters)

Reuters - Wal-Mart Stores Inc and other top U.S. retailers delivered disappointing December same-store sales and profit warnings on Thursday, sparking fresh recession concerns that hit stock and currency markets.

Madoff had $173 million in checks ready, U.S. says (Reuters)

Reuters - Accused swindler Bernard Madoff had signed checks totaling more than $173 million in his office desk ready to be sent out before his arrest, U.S. prosecutors said in court papers on Thursday asking a judge to jail him.

EU sees monitor breakthrough in Russia gas row (Reuters)

Reuters - Moscow has agreed to deployment of international monitors to oversee the transit of Russian gas to EU states via Ukraine, clearing the way for the resumption of European gas supplies, the Czech EU presidency said.

U.S. panel warns Pentagon on nuclear deterrence (Reuters)

Reuters - The U.S. nuclear deterrent that kept a tense peace during the Cold War is in danger of losing credibility among allied nations that look to the United States for security, a Pentagon panel said on Thursday.

European pessimism grows as U.S. retail disappoints (Reuters)

Reuters - Economic weakness in Europe worsened and disappointing sales from Wal-Mart, the world's largest retailer, knocked financial markets lower on Thursday, strengthening the case for government stimulus and new rate cuts.

Gaza war toll rises (AFP)

AFP - A UN relief agency halted work in Gaza and protested to Israel on Thursday after an aid worker was killed, while the war death toll rose past 760 after dozens of bodies were found in rubble during a pause in bombing.

Russia, Ukraine gas talks collapse amid dispute over monitors (AFP)

AFP - EU-sponsored talks collapsed Thursday between Russia and Ukraine on resolving a gas dispute that has cut supplies to Europe in the midst of a bitterly cold winter, with Moscow blamed for the failure.

Marching Towards Mothers Day

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