Cant Get There From Here

Can't Get There From Here Juneau is the capital of Alaska, but did you know that you cannot drive there from anywhere? You can fly into Juneau or you can take a ferry to Juneau,... Read More

Wanted: Treadmill for an Elephant

Maggie, the 22 year-old African elephant, has been a resident of the Alaska Zoo since 1983. The Zoo recently decided that Maggie needs nicer quarters, more attention, and a treadmill. She weighs 9,100 pounds and does not get enough exercise, especially during the long Alaskan winter months.Alaska Zoo officials debated this past year... Read More

The Patience of Job

Voltaire said, "God is a comedian playing to an audience afraid to laugh." Translated, if you're a tight ass, there's a two drink minimum to read this article. Let me just say, I believe in God but like many, I've questioned His existence. Most people will say the... Read More

Marines Dont Take Crap

We live in a world of widgets. People manufacture, distribute, and sell them. You name it, they're doing it. I have a friend who is a toilet paper salesman. God bless him. It's an honorable job and my butt and I give him a... Read More

Military Wives

I feel now is the perfect time to address the conflict service-members face when balancing between what they feel are infringements upon their civil liberties cast down by their president. ... Read More

Discover the Lighter Side of the Internet

We all know the Internet is a great tool for finding out information and sharing knowledge. But as a human sometimes sitting at a computer all day can get quite tedious, especially if it is your job 5 days a week. This feeling can be compounded by other problems in one's personal life,... Read More

The Language of Appalachia

Imagine my surprise when I went to Jamaica a few years ago and learned that I do, indeed, have an accent. You see, unlike my paternal grandmother, I don't stretch the word "cornbread" into four syllables. She might say, "Here. Have ye some co-orn-bray-ed;" whereas I might say, "You want some corn-bread?" See?... Read More

Local Author Joins History and Humor To Tell His Stories

Joseph Yakel was born and raised in New York's Capital region, and calls this place home. His travels have taken him far and wide, but it's his hometown surroundings that serve as a backdrop for his writing. He's recently published three books, and thinks his blend of history and humor shine a bright... Read More

Voodoo Munchies

Looking for a lighthearted and fun way to remove the negative energy of a certain disruptive person from your life, or from your mind, if the person in question has moved on? Consider the cleansing (and giggle-inspiring) effect of Voodoo Munchies. Beginning now, whenever you need to deal with this person or the... Read More

Computers According to Carol

A is for Anti-Virus: she got it from my Uncle.B is for Backup: always look in your rear view mirror first.C is for Caddy: part of computer that holds a coffee cup.D is for Defrag: a popular dance in the 1920's.E is for Email: post office talk for express mail.F is for Folder:... Read More

Psychiatric Psychiatrist - A Joke on Psychiatry

A few weeks ago I went to see a psychiatrist.We talked about how I was feeling. I really wanted to hit him in the face when he asked that. I didn´t do that. I regret that now. No, I replied politely and asked him if he thought I came there because he is... Read More

How To Get Attention, or: As You Read This, You Feel an Irresistible Urge to Go On Reading!

We all want attention. As children we crave the attention of our parents. Later in life, we want to be seen and noticed by friends and family. And when running most any type of business, we must attract the attention of our potential customers.But how do you get somebody's undivided attention? When you... Read More

How I Spent my Summer Vacation

One of the best parts of a vacation is the positive outlook you derive from pleasant anticipation. Another benefit is the afterglow, allowing you to feel right with the world. A general guideline I have is to live in the present and not yearn too heavily for the past or future; but making... Read More

Dog Poo - And You Thought You Had Problems

In Southern Germany in a town by the name of Bayreuth, the German police are in a quandary. The town's dog poo is under attack. Park officials are desperate to resolve what could become an international incident. Unknown person or persons have been sticking little US flags into piles of doggie poo for... Read More

In The News:
Yahoo! News: Top Stories
Geithner likely treasury pick; Clinton 'on track' (AP)

In this May 4, 2007 file photo Timothy Geithner is seen in Montreal. President-elect Barack Obama is likely to name Timothy Geithner, president of the New York Federal Reserve, as Treasury Secretary in a time of intense economic turmoil as he rounds out the upper echelon of his Cabinet, a senior Democratic official familiar with the deliberations said Friday, Nov. 21, 2008. (AP Photo/The Canadian Press, Ian Barrett, File)AP - President-elect Barack Obama intends to name Timothy Geithner, president of the New York Federal Reserve, as his treasury secretary to confront the nation's intense economic turmoil, senior Democratic officials said Friday.



Neb. lawmakers OK age limit for safe-haven law (AP)

Nebraska lawmakers Brad Ashford, front, of Omaha, and Arnie Stuthman, of Platte Center, Neb., vote in favor of LB 1 Friday, Nov. 21, 2008 at the state capitol in Lincoln, Neb., The bill puts a 30-day age limit on children who can be dropped off at Nebraska hospitals under the state's safe haven law. The bill easily passed 43-5. (AP Photo/Bill Wolf)AP - Gov. Dave Heineman signed into law Friday a bill adding a 30-day age limit to a safe-haven law that allowed 35 children — including teenagers as old as 17 — to be abandoned at state hospitals. The law, approved hours earlier by the Legislature in a 45-3 vote, goes into effect Saturday, and makes Nebraska the 14th state with a 30-day age cap. It had been the only state with a safe-haven law without an age limit.



Fla. teen commits suicide with live Web audience (AP)
AP - A college student committed suicide by taking a drug overdose in front of a live webcam as some computer users egged him on, others tried to talk him out of it, and another messaged OMG in horror when it became clear it was no joke. Some watchers contacted the Web site to notify police, but by the time officers entered Abraham Biggs' home — a scene also captured on the Internet — it was too late.

Federal regulators shut 2 California thrifts (AP)
AP - Federal regulators on Friday shut down two big thrifts based in Southern California, saying they fell victim to the acute distress in the housing market in that state.

Democrats lay out conditions to consider aid for automakers (AP)

Senate Majority Harry Reid of Nev., center, accompanied by fellow Democratic leaders, gestures during a news conference on Capitol Hill in Washington, Thursday, Nov. 20, 2008, to discuss the auto industry bailout. From left are, House Majority Whip Steny Hoyer of Md., House Speaker Nancy Pelosi of Calif., Reid, Sen. Christopher Dodd, D-Conn., Sen. Richard Durbin, D-Ill., and Sen. Patty Murray, D-Wash. (AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)AP - Democratic leaders ordered Detroit's Big Three automakers Friday to submit what amounts to a detailed loan application to Congress so lawmakers can decide whether to give the beleaguered industry an emergency $25 billion lifeline.



Bush rallies China's help on North Korea (AP)

U.S. President George W. Bush and with President Hu Jintao of China, right, shake hands before their meeting at the APEC Summit in Lima, Peru, Friday, Nov. 21, 2008. (AP Photo/Lawrence Jackson)AP - In a last dash of diplomacy, President George W. Bush on Friday sought China's help in pinning down North Korea to keep its shaky promises of nuclear disarmament.



Gates would like to add US forces in Afghanistan (AP)

Canadian Minister of National Defense Peter MacKay, center, shakes hands with his Australian counterpart Joel Fitzgibbon, as U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates walks past at the conclusion of a news conference on Friday Nov. 21, 2008, in Cornwallis, Nova Scotia, Canada. The three are taking part in discussions of International Security Assistance Force's (ISAF) Regional Command South, which is comprised of forces from Canada, Australia, Denmark, Estonia, Netherlands, Romania, United Kingdom, and the United States. (AP Photo/The Canadian Press, Mike Dembeck)AP - Defense Secretary Robert Gates said Friday he would like to add significant U.S. forces to the war in Afghanistan before national elections scheduled for next year, and that grim depictions of backsliding in the seven-year-old war are "far too pessimistic."



Germany drops attempt to ban Scientology (AP)

Joerg Schoenbohm, Brandeburg state Interior Minister and current chairman of the German Interior Ministers Conference, center, opens the final day of the ministers meeting in Potsdam, Germany, on Friday, Nov. 21, 2008. At left is German Federal Interior Minister Wolfgang Schaeuble. German security officials said Friday they will drop their attempt to pursue a ban of the Church of Scientology after finding insufficient evidence of unconstitutional activity. (AP Photo/Bernd Settnik Pool)AP - Germany is dropping its pursuit of a ban on Scientology after finding insufficient evidence of illegal activity, security officials said Friday.



Knicks set themselves up for 2010 with 2 deals (AP)

In this Oct. 5, 2008, file photo, Golden State's Al Harrington (3) catches a pass in front of New Orleans Hornets David West in the first half of an NBA preseason basketball game in New Orleans. The Golden State Warriors traded disgruntled forward Al Harrington to the New York Knicks for guard Jamal Crawford on Friday. (AP Photo/Bill Haber, File)AP - The New York Knicks traded Zach Randolph and Jamal Crawford in separate deals Friday, parting with their two top scorers to free up coveted salary-cap space for the summer of 2010. Crawford was sent to Golden State for forward Al Harrington. Hours later, Randolph was shipped to the Los Angeles Clippers along with reserve guard Mardy Collins for Cuttino Mobley and Tim Thomas.



Sorenstam's storied LPGA career ends (AP)

Annika Sorenstam, of Sweden, waves to the crowd as she walks towards the 18th green during the second round of the LPGA ADT Championship at the Trump International Golf Club Friday, Nov. 21, 2008 in West Palm Beach, Fla. Sorenstam failed to make the cut in the last tournament of her storied career. (AP Photo/J Pat Carter)AP - Standing in the center of a sun-drenched 18th green, as waves of cheers rippled from a packed gallery, Annika Sorenstam hugged caddie Terry McNamara and took the flag from his hand.



Obama moves to pick Timothy Geithner for Treasury (Reuters)

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke (R) nods as he listens to President of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York Timothy Geithner before addressing the Economic Club of New York in this October 15, 2008 file photo. (Lucas Jackson/Files/Reuters)Reuters - President-elect Barack Obama on Friday moved toward nominating Timothy Geithner as Treasury secretary and charging the respected head of the New York Federal Reserve with helping pull the United States out of an economic nosedive.



Citigroup talking to U.S. government as shares dive: source (Reuters)

Pedestrians walk past a Citibank branch in Singapore November 18, 2008. (Vivek Prakash/Reuters)Reuters - Citigroup Inc has begun talks with the U.S. government as its plummeting share price raises doubts about the bank's ability to survive, a person familiar with the matter said.



GM cuts output, jets as U.S. demands turnaround plans (Reuters)

Leaders of the U.S. automotive industry testify at a hearing held by the House Financial Services Committee on Capitol Hill in Washington November 19, 2008. From left are General Motors CEO Richard Wagoner, Chrysler Chairman and CEO Robert Nardelli and Ford president and CEO Alan Mulally. (Kevin Lamarque/Reuters)Reuters - Detroit automakers began work on turnaround plans demanded by Congress in return for $25 billion in aid as General Motors Corp said it would cut production more and give up two of its controversial corporate jets.



General Motors board weighs bankruptcy option: report (Reuters)

General Motors World Headquarters is seen along the Detroit River in Detroit, Michigan, September 17, 2008. (Rebecca Cook/Reuters)Reuters - The board of directors of embattled U.S. automaker General Motors Corp is considering "all options" including bankruptcy, according to a report on the Wall Street Journal's website late on Friday.



Wall Street stages late rally on Geithner news (Reuters)

Traders work in close quarters on the main trading floor of the New York Stock Exchange early in the trading session in New York City, November 21, 2008. (Mike Segar/Reuters)Reuters - U.S. stocks stormed higher in a late rally on Friday to cap another volatile week as investors welcomed reports that President-elect Barack Obama has chosen his point person to combat the U.S. economic crisis, instilling confidence about the administration's ability to take action.



U.S. eyes "surge" of over 20,000 for Afghanistan (Reuters)

A British military vehicle drives past an Afghan man in Lashkar Gah, capital of Helmand province October 20, 2008. (Abdul Qodus/Reuters)Reuters - The Pentagon is considering a plan to send more than 20,000 troops to Afghanistan over the next 12 to 18 months to help safeguard elections and quell rising Taliban violence, officials said on Friday.



U.S. Bancorp acquires deposits of failed Downey, PFF (Reuters)
Reuters - U.S. banking regulators seized California banks Downey Savings and Loan and PFF Bank & Trust late Friday as the housing crisis claimed two more victims from the financial crisis.

U.S. strike in Pakistan kills British militant: TV (Reuters)

Rashid Rauf (R), a Pakistani-British man suspected of involvement in an al Qaeda plot to blow up transatlantic airliners, enters the courtroom during his appearance in the civil court in Rawalpindi in this file photo from January 5, 2007. (Faisal Mahmood/Reuters)Reuters - Pakistani television channels reported that Rashid Rauf, a British Islamist militant with al Qaeda links, was killed along with an Egyptian militant by a U.S. missile strike in the North Waziristan tribal region of Pakistan on Saturday.



China, Russia bid Bush farewell at trade summit (AFP)

Protesters demonstrate against the arrival of US President George W. Bush in Lima. Leaders from Pacific rim nations are set to meet to chart ways to boost trade despite turmoil in the global economy, as aspiring powers China and Russia bid farewell to Bush.(AFP/Sengo Perez)AFP - Leaders of the Pacific rim are set to meet to chart ways to boost trade despite turmoil in the global economy, as aspiring powers China and Russia bid farewell to US President George W. Bush.



Obama readies economic team as global recession fears rise (AFP)

An everything-must-go sign in Coral Gables, Florida. The economic team of US president-elect Barack Obama came into view as fears mounted on the global financial crisis and more mass job cuts loomed worldwide(AFP/Getty Images/Joe Raedle)AFP - The economic team of US president-elect Barack Obama came into view as fears mounted on the global financial crisis and more mass job cuts loomed worldwide.



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11 Alternative Garden Games

Tired of the same ol', same ol' when it come to entertaining... Read More

Painful Lessons from the Maternity Ward

Whoever dubbed New York, New York "the city that never sleeps" should... Read More

The Patience of Job

Voltaire said, "God is a comedian playing to an audience afraid... Read More

Do Americans Really Understand Irony?

Let me start by saying that 'I am an American' Ok, there... Read More

Humor Under The Keyboards

For me, the piano is the symbol of what is stiff, proper... Read More

The Zapp Principle

My dad's lab was a mess, but then it was always a... Read More

Lactose Intolerant? It could be a good thing

Lactose Intolerant Individuals may prove a bonus in Space Missions. Lactose intolerant... Read More

The Top 10 All Time Worst Jokes About Piano Players

Here, for your barfing pleasure, are the top ten worst jokes of... Read More

Not Your Average Sunday Morning

Just recently my ex-husband stopped in to visit during his vacation. In... Read More

Freudian Slippage

Saturday morning. I went, in the early morning, to the farmer's market... Read More

How I Spent my Summer Vacation

One of the best parts of a vacation is the positive outlook... Read More

Valet Parking: Theft with Consent

This column is long overdue. To put it in library terms, which... Read More

Marines Dont Take Crap

We live in... Read More

To See Or Not To See

I went to the eye doctor the other day. I thought it... Read More

Computers According to Carol

A is for Anti-Virus: she got it from my Uncle.B is for... Read More

A French Teachers Memories: First Day at School

Despite my diplomas that allowed me to teach in state secondary schools,... Read More

Mexican Spaminator

When we decided to move to Mexico, one of the most exciting... Read More

American Independence ? The True Story

It was late in 1775, and King George III was at Buckingham... Read More

The Army Corp of Engineers Having Issues Fixing Breach

The Army Corp of engineers is having a tough time filling in... Read More

Playing Go-Between in the Digital Age

NOTE: This article was originally published in May 2000 at *spark-online.com when... Read More

Health Club Regulars ?- Some of the People Youre Likely To Meet at the Gym

One of the great benefits of belonging to a health club is... Read More

Essential Laughter

Take time to laugh at yourself and the ridiculous in life. It... Read More

Bed Bugs Bite

I just turned on the news a minute ago and wondered why... Read More

Restaurant Manager Gives Out Sexual Favors As Performance Bonus, Raise

While many restaurant workers worry and sweat in anticipation of an imminent... Read More

The Language of Appalachia

Imagine my surprise when I went to Jamaica a few years ago... Read More

Very Precise Fortune Cookies

I cracked open the fortune cookie and read the little slip of... Read More

A Dogs Guide To... Getting Your Dog to Stop Barking

I like to bark. I mean, I like to bark A LOT.... Read More

Saving SpongeBob Using High Tech

Put Active RFID Satellite Tags in SpongeBobsSpongeBob has been in the news... Read More

Stopping Bad Breath Bart

"Pee-ew! You smell like a skunk soaking in sardine nectar for a... Read More

New Orleans First to Experience Housing Bubble Burst

Are we starting to see the Housing Bubble Burst in the wake... Read More

Sweet Vengeance Purrfected

I love animals but cats are my favorites. There's just something about... Read More

Your Stars Part 3

LibraHit TV show 'The X Factor' is back on our screens giving... Read More

He Had It Coming, Your Honor

This past week as Mr. Man and I lounged around our sprawling... Read More

Cloning Advantage Super Families

As the cloning debate of humankind continues we find ourselves in an... Read More

Humor Quotations - Top 35 Funny Quotations by Famous Comedians

"Education is worth a whole lot. Just think - with enough education... Read More

The Jokes On You -- Who Should be the Butt of Your Jokes?

This article was prompted by something I heard (second hand) about the... Read More

3 Surefire Ways To Combat Rising Gas Prices

I have heard the rumblings of many of you in Readerland about... Read More

Its All About Seeing the Signs

Ace of Base hasn't seen the sign for quite some time now,... Read More

25 Reasons You Might Need to Wear a Welding Helmet

A welding helmet is a safety device worn for protection while one... Read More

Cant Get There From Here

Can't Get... Read More

Starbucks Going into Hilton

Well, I hope you did not read that headline wrong, Crew Member... Read More

Poor Rixs Almanac 8-13-05

Dear Poor Rix: A guy just invited me to a football game.... Read More

Maybelle Misfire Joins Mega Corp

To: Maybelle Misfire From: I. M.. Power, VP Welcome aboard! Delighted you... Read More

Local Author Joins History and Humor To Tell His Stories

Joseph Yakel was born and raised in New York's Capital region, and... Read More

Cheer-Leadership or All I Need to Know About Business I Learned from Cheerleading

Thanks to teen movies, many people have this stereotypical idea of cheerleaders... Read More

Dumb Luck

I've never really thought of myself as being funny. I don't have... Read More

Important Safety Tip$

I was given a list of Do's and Don'ts of interacting with... Read More