The Compassion Paradox

Home
>
Leadership
>
The Compassion Paradox

Effective leaders are comfortable with paradox. They can call on skills and work in ways that seem to be contradictory.

Dictionary.com defines paradox as "a seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true." As I study the field, I find many paradoxes associated with leadership. I see that developing the skills of a great leader requires us to work in apparently contradictory ways that are nonetheless true.

I often see my clients and seminar participants wrestle with these issues because they present themselves as extreme and contradictory positions. Many people struggle because they view the paradoxical extremes as either/or positions rather than both/and positions.

One dilemma many people have difficulty confronting is, what I call, the Compassion Paradox ? As a leader, you must be compassionate AND you must hold people accountable. Sometimes I say it this way: You cannot be too soft if you want to be compassionate. Let me explain.

Depending on their personality style and personal experience, most people fall more on one side or the other of these two extremes. They are great at holding people accountable, but not so great at showing compassion. Or, they are great at showing compassion, but not so great at holding people accountable. Learning to work both ends of this divide is one key to becoming an effective leader.

We normally fail to appropriately apply this principle because we do not really understand the two extremes. People who are comfortable with accountability view compassion as too "soft". And, people who are comfortable with compassion view accountability as too "hard". The truth is that neither extreme is either "soft" or "hard". They are simply different responses to different leadership situations.

Let's consider the definitions of these two responses

Compassion - deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.

Accountability ? the condition of being called to account; answerable.

As leaders, we must be aware of people's needs and work to meet them ? i.e. we must be compassionate. We must also hold people accountable. If we fail to hold people accountable, the organization fails. If we do not address concerns, people work at bare minimum levels or they leave. Again, the organization fails.

Some people are comfortable with this paradox. I find that most are not. My personal challenge is this - I fall more on the compassion side than on the accountability side. With conscious effort, I have improved my ability to hold people accountable. It is still not natural or comfortable for me. I realize, though, that it is necessary.

Whatever your bent, I encourage you to look at your behaviors as a leader. Are you more comfortable with compassion or with accountability? Either way, work to develop comfort with the other. When you can choose your response based on the situation, rather than your personal comfort, you will be skilled at applying the Compassion Paradox. You will be one step closer to acting as a highly effective leader.

Guy Harris is the Chief Relationship Officer with Principle Driven Consulting. He helps entrepreneurs, business managers, and other organizational leaders build trust, reduce conflict, and improve team performance. Learn more at http://www.principledriven.com

Guy co-authored "The Behavior Bucks System TM" to help parents reduce stress and conflict with their children. Learn more about this book at http://www.behaviorbucks.com

In The News:

Yahoo! News: Top Stories

Democrats criticize Obama's proposed tax cuts (AP)

AP - President-elect Barack Obama's proposed tax cuts ran into opposition Thursday from senators in his own party who said they wouldn't do much to stimulate the economy or create jobs. Senators from both parties agreed that Congress should do something to stimulate the economy. But Democratic senators emerging from a private meeting of the Senate Finance Committee criticized business and individual tax cuts in Obama's stimulus plan.

UN Security Council calls for immediate Gaza truce (AP)

AP - The U.N. Security Council called for an "immediate" and "durable" cease-fire in Gaza in a resolution Thursday night even as fighting between Israel and Hamas raged with early morning airstrikes killing seven Palestinians and pushing the death toll to about 760 in the near two-week conflict.

Key panel recommends impeaching Ill. governor (AP)

AP - A key panel unanimously recommended impeachment for Gov. Rod Blagojevich on Thursday, setting up a vote that could make him the first governor to face such fate in Illinois' sordid political history. Blagojevich should lose his job for abusing power, mismanaging government and committing possible criminal acts, including federal allegations he tried to sell off a U.S. Senate seat, the special committee concluded.

Mini Dynasty: Tebow leads Gators past Oklahoma (AP)

AP - Tim Tebow gave Florida the jolt it needed, and the Gators toughed out a second BCS title in three years.

Job losses stack up as recession deepens (AP)

AP - Trying to survive a deepening recession, employers are cutting their work forces to the bone, leaving more Americans unemployed and with dim prospects of finding a new job any time soon.

Oversight panel wants better answers from Treasury (AP)

AP - Less than a month after its first report, a congressional panel overseeing the Treasury Department's $700 billion financial bailout is demanding more answers.

Critics' final answer: `Slumdog' wins 5 awards (AP)

AP - The critics have spoken, and "Slumdog Millionaire" is their final answer.

Petraeus: Afghan, Pakistan problems are really one (AP)

AP - U.S. policy to win in Afghanistan must recognize the poor nation's limitations and its neighborhood, especially its intertwined relationship with U.S. terrorism-fighting ally Pakistan, the top U.S. military commander in the region said Thursday.

Cheney: CIA did nothing illegal in interrogations (AP)

AP - Vice President Dick Cheney said Thursday that he sees no reason for President George W. Bush to pre-emptively pardon anyone at the CIA involved in harsh interrogations of suspected terrorists. "I don't have any reason to believe that anybody in the agency did anything illegal," he said.

Prosecutors: Madoff was ready to send out $173M (AP)

AP - Prosecutors said Thursday that investigators found 100 signed checks worth $173 million in Bernard Madoff's office desk that he was ready to send out to his closest family and friends at the time of his arrest last month in what is alleged to be largest financial fraud in history.

U.N. Security Council calls for immediate Gaza truce (Reuters)

Reuters - The U.N. Security Council called for an immediate ceasefire in the Gaza Strip but Israeli warplanes launched intermittent attacks on Friday.

Obama pushes stimulus, warns on recession (Reuters)

Reuters - President-elect Barack Obama warned on Thursday the U.S. economy could stay mired in recession for years without bold action and he urged lawmakers to work day and night to pass a massive stimulus plan.

Citi backs measure to help avoid foreclosures (Reuters)

Reuters - Financial giant Citigroup Inc will support a proposal in Congress to rewrite U.S. bankruptcy law to help troubled mortgage borrowers avoid foreclosure, Chief Executive Vikram Pandit said on Thursday.

Illinois panel recommends governor's impeachment (Reuters)

Reuters - A legislative committee on Thursday recommended the impeachment of Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, citing widespread abuse of power including allegations he tried to sell the U.S. Senate seat vacated by President-elect Barack Obama.

Qaeda Pakistan leader believed dead: U.S. official (Reuters)

Reuters - Al Qaeda's operations chief in Pakistan and a top aide are believed to be dead, a U.S. counterterrorism official said on Thursday, in what appeared to be the latest results of a campaign targeting the militant group's leadership.

Accused swindler Madoff "warm and charming": report (Reuters)

Reuters - Some friends of accused swindler Bernard Madoff considered him a "warm and charming" man, and one of his alleged victims praised him just before his death in 2005, Fox Business Network reported on Thursday.

Obama names Virginia gov as Democratic Party head (Reuters)

Reuters - President-elect Barack Obama named Tim Kaine as head of the Democratic Party on Thursday, rewarding an early supporter with a high-profile political post even as he continues to serve as Virginia governor.

EU seeks gas supply return after deal on monitors (Reuters)

Reuters - Europe on Friday looked for a swift restoration of gas supplies, after striking a deal with Moscow on monitoring gas shipments via Ukraine that have been halted by a rancorous pricing dispute with Kiev.

UN Security Council urges immediate Gaza ceasefire (AFP)

AFP - Israel was under intense pressure Friday to end its two-week-old offensive in the Gaza Strip after the UN Security Council called for an immediate ceasefire as the death toll from the war rose past 760.

Progress in resolving gas row as Russia agrees to monitors (AFP)

AFP - Hopes for a quick resumption of Russian gas supplies to Europe were rising Friday after Russia agreed on the terms for the deployment of monitors in Ukraine.

The Compassion Paradox

Leadership Leadership