True Tenant Tales, Volume One

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True Tenant Tales, Volume One

True Tenant Tales, Volume One

Working with tenants can be an amazing experience. (Owners and contractors are equally astounding, but those are subjects for another day.) It seems I get my most memorable anecdotes over the phone. Here are a few of the ones I've culled from my blog and experience and put together for your reading amazement.

First was a late-night phone call I took:

*beeeep*
*beeeep*
*beeeep*

"Hello?"

*beeeep*
*beeeep*
*beeeep*

"Hi, my smoke alarm keeps going off."

*beeeep*
*beeeep*
*beeeep*

"Is there a fire?"

*beeeep*
*beeeep*
*beeeep*

"No. It does this every time I open the oven."

*beeeep*
*beeeep*
*beeeep*

"Well have you cleaned the oven?"

*beeeep*
*beeeep*
*beeeep*

"I've opened the windows and door but it won't stop."

*beeeep*
*beeeep*
*beeeep*

"Why don't you wave the smoke away with a magazine?"

*beeeep*
*beeeep*
*beeeep*

"Okay, I've got the fan in the kitchen now. What did you say about the oven?"

*beeeep*
*beeeep*
*beeeep*

"Have you cleaned it? There's a product you can buy called EZ-Off. It's, well, pretty easy to use."

*beeeep*
*beeeep*
*beeeep*

"Really? Okay, I guess I'll try that."

*beeeep*
*beeeep*
*beeeep*

"I think it may help."

"Thanks. Have a good night."

"Good night."

You'll notice I didn't suggest disconnecting the battery.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next was a call in the late morning.

"Landlord for Hire."

"Terence, I have a really bad problem."

"What's wrong?"

"There's a bee between the door and the storm door, and I can't get out."

"Well, I wouldn't swat it. It's probably as scared as you are."

"Okay. Can you come over and open the door for me?"

"Well, I'm a half-hour drive from there. Is there someone closer you could call?"

"Not really."

"How about this: open the inside door and the storm door very quickly, and then close the inside door. You'll bring the bee out with you and it will fly away. You'll be doing it a favor."

"What if it gets inside?"

"Be quick and it won't ? I have faith in you. Call me if you're still stuck after you try it."

I didn't get a call back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Springtime brought this little gem:

"Terence, it's really hot in here? Why is the heat still on?"

"Have you turned it from "Heat" to "Cold?"

"Um, no . . . "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last I have right now was a simple voice mail, of chilling consequences:

"Mr. Terence, I wanted to call to let you know there's a problem with the drain in the basement. Thank you."

"A problem" was three feet of water and human waste in the basement. The tenant was late on her rent and, according to the plumber, must have endured the stench for a week or more before she screwed up the courage to call me. That was a rental I owned myself, and that tenant taught me a lot of the lessons I use to guide my property management philosophy, including not selecting tenants out of fear, not accepting excuses for late rent, and always assuming that your tenants are better at understatement than you are!

© 2005 Terence P Ward, all rights reserved. Terence P Ward is the President of Landlord for Hirehttp://www.landlordforhire.com, a residential property management service of Green and Clean Corporationhttp://www.Green-n-Clean.biz, based in the Mid-Hudson Valley of New York State. You may find contact information for him on either of his company's web pages.

In The News:

Yahoo! News: Top Stories

Jobless claims jump unexpectedly to 16-year high (AP)

AP - New claims for unemployment benefits jumped last week to a 16-year high, the Labor Department said Thursday, providing more evidence of a rapidly weakening job market expected to get even worse next year.

Perino: Bush would sign jobless benefits extension (AP)

AP - With weekly jobless claims benefits at a 16-year high, the White House said Thursday that President George W. Bush would quickly sign legislation pending in Congress to provide further unemployment benefits.

Dems: Napolitano emerges for Homeland Security job (AP)

AP - Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano, an early Barack Obama supporter from the southwestern part of the country, is the likely choice for the job of secretary of homeland security, a top Obama adviser said Thursday.

Stocks open lower after jobless claims jump (AP)

AP - Fresh worries about widening unemployment are adding investors' list of concerns about the economy and are weighing on stocks in early trading.

Detroit automakers' rescue stalls in Senate (AP)

AP - A plan to give troubled U.S. automakers billions of dollars in government-backed loans is on life support, leaving the fate of hundreds of thousands of workers and Detroit's once-venerable car companies hanging in the balance.

GMAC files for bank holding status (AP)

AP - GMAC Financial Services has applied to become a bank holding company, which would allow General Motors' financing arm to be eligible for aid under the government's $700 billion bank rescue plan.

Astronauts vow remaining tool bag won't drift away (AP)

AP - Astronauts vowed to double-check, even triple-check, to make sure a bag of tools is properly tied down during a spacewalk Thursday so it doesn't float away like one did earlier this week.

Teen lives 4 months with no heart, leaves hospital (AP)

AP - D'Zhana Simmons says she felt like a "fake person" for 118 days when she had no heart beating in her chest. "But I know that I really was here," the 14-year-old said, "and I did live without a heart."

Taco Bell lawyers get tough with rapper 50 Cent (AP)

AP - Rapper 50 Cent is facing a challenge to his street cred Â— from Taco Bell. Lawyers for the fast-food chain are calling his federal lawsuit, filed in Manhattan, another attempt to "burnish his gangsta rapper persona by distorting beyond all recognition a bona fide, good faith offer."

NFL says Cowboys' Pacman Jones can return Dec. 7 (AP)

AP - The NFL is giving Adam "Pacman" Jones another chance. Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said Wednesday the suspended cornerback has been reinstated by league commissioner Roger Goodell, but he must miss two more games Â— this Sunday and the following game on Thanksgiving. He'll be back Dec. 7 at Pittsburgh.

Weekly jobless claims surge to 16-year high (Reuters)

Reuters - The number of U.S. workers filing new claims for jobless benefits surged last week to their highest level in 16 years, Labor Department data showed on Thursday, as a harsh economic environment forces employers to cut back on hiring.

Global job losses rise as recession plays on (Reuters)

Reuters - World economic misery spread on Thursday with forecasts of a global recession running well into 2009, Japan's exports to Asia falling for the first time in six years and job losses mounting.

Obama taps Arizona governor for homeland security: report (Reuters)

Reuters - U.S. President-elect Barack Obama's top choice to lead the U.S. Department of Homeland Security is Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano, CNN reported on Wednesday, citing multiple sources.

Prospect for auto bailout dims (Reuters)

Reuters - Chances dimmed that a last-minute plan being crafted by Republican senators, with White House support, to provide $25 billion to bail out U.S. automakers would receive enough backing from Democrats to pass before the end of this week.

U.S. forces kill Qaeda leader wanted for attacks (Reuters)

Reuters - U.S. forces killed a senior al Qaeda leader wanted for planning suicide bombings, kidnappings and assassinations, including the abduction and killing of a U.S. army sergeant in 2004, the U.S. military said on Thursday.

U.S. pact can pass Iraqi parliament: minister (Reuters)

Reuters - A pact allowing U.S. troops to stay in Iraq for three more years has a chance of being approved by parliament despite some heated opposition, Foreign Minister Hoshiyar Zebari said on Thursday.

California court to hear gay marriage ban case (Reuters)

Reuters - California's Supreme Court on Wednesday agreed to hear a legal challenge against the state's voter-approved ban on gay marriage and let the ban stand in the meantime.

Woman posed as teen online in suicide case: attorney (Reuters)

Reuters - A Missouri woman established a fake identity online to torment a vulnerable teenage girl who later committed suicide, federal prosecutors said on Wednesday in a trial that is being closely watched by the burgeoning social networking industry.

Governments scramble to protect jobs as losses mount (AFP)

AFP - Governments scrambled to cushion the impact of the finance crisis Thursday with France launching a sovereign wealth fund and China unveiling a jobs protection plan as the car industry made huge new cuts.

Russia to send more warships to battle Somali pirates (AFP)

AFP - Russia announced Thursday it would send more warships to combat piracy in the waters around Somalia, as the Saudi owners of the Sirius Star negotiated with the pirates holding their oil tanker.

True Tenant Tales, Volume One

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