6 Steps to Effective Communication

Effective leaders are known for being excellent communicators. Here's what to do.

1) Avoid "Not." Negative talk encourages arguments, counter attacks, and attempts to solve your problems. It also creates a negative impression. For example, when you say, "I can't," you appear helpless and ineffective. Instead, talk about what you can do and what you want.

2) Deal with impossible requests by 1) acknowledging the request, 2) empathizing with the other person's feelings, 3) saying, "I wish I could fix it." and 4) suggesting a reasonable alternative." For example, imagine that you work at a resort and it is raining. A guest walks up to you carrying a golf bag, slams it against your desk, and shouts, "This place stinks! I spent thousands of dollars coming here and it's raining."

You respond by saying, "You're right it's raining. And I know how upsetting it must feel to travel this far and be stuck inside. I wish I could make it stop. In the meantime, you may want to visit our indoor putting center. Our golf pro is offering instructions this afternoon."

3) Deal with difficult requests by 1) affirming your willingness to help and 2) asking the other person to help you plan a solution.

For example, if your boss asks you to start another project, you could say, "I understand you want me to start a new project. And right now I'm working on another project. To help me set my priorities, I wonder which one you want me to finish first."

4) When possible, offer choices that show the consequences of different options. This allows the other person to choose both the process and its impact.

For example, you can say, "That's a great idea. And there are different ways I can meet your request. We can use our existing supplies, which are free, or we can buy custom materials, which will cost $500. Which option would you prefer?"

5) Deal with complaints by asking the other person to describe a fair settlement. You can say, "What do you want?" or "What would you consider a fair solution to this?" or "What would make you happy?"

6) A smile significantly affects how you sound. It also makes you more approachable. When you frown, other people hear anxiety, caution, fear, and rejection. A smile (or at least a pleasant expression) encourages open communication.

IAF Certified Professional Facilitator and author Steve Kaye works with leaders who want to be more effective. His innovative workshops have informed and inspired people nationwide. His facilitation produces results that people will support. Call 714-528-1300 or visit his web site for over 100 pages of valuable ideas. Sign up for his free newsletter at http://www.stevekaye.com

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Palestinian demonstrators use sling-shots to hurl stones at Israeli soldiers during a demonstration against Israel's military operation in Gaza, in the West Bank village of Bilin, near Ramallah,Thursday, Jan. 8, 2009. Israel resumed its Gaza offensive Wednesday after a three-hour lull to allow delivery of humanitarian aid, bombing heavily around suspected smuggling tunnels near the border with Egypt. Despite the heavy fighting, strides appeared to be being made on the diplomatic front with the U.S. throwing its weight behind a deal being brokered by France and Egypt. (AP Photo/Muhammed Muheisen)AP - The U.N. Security Council called for an immediate cease-fire in Gaza, but an intense bombardment of missiles from Israeli jets and helicopters early Friday and a barrage of Hamas rockets indicated there may be no quick end to the fighting.



Rep. Jack Franks (D-Woodstock) votes to recommend the impeachment of Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich to the House during an Illinois House Impeachment Committee hearing Thursday, Jan. 8, 2009, in Springfield, Ill. The committee voted unanimously to recommend impeachment putting the matter before the full house.  (AP Photo/Seth Perlman)AP - Gov. Rod Blagojevich faces almost certain impeachment by the Illinois House, a historic step that would trigger a trial to determine whether the Democratic governor should be tossed out of office.



In this Monday, Dec. 29, 2008 file image provided by Greenpeace, coal ash slurry left behind in a containment pond near the Tennessee Valley Authority's Kingston Fossil Plant is shown  in Harriman, Tenn., after the dyke at left broke Dec. 22, 2008. Millions of tons of toxic coal ash is piling up in power plant ponds in 32 states, a practice the federal government has long recognized as a risk to human health and the environment but has left unregulated. (AP Photo/Greeenpeace, Wade Payne)AP - Millions of tons of toxic coal ash is piling up in power plant ponds in 32 states, a practice the federal government has long recognized as a risk to human health and the environment but has left unregulated.



In this Dec. 5, 2006 file photo, Leon Panetta, then a member of the Iraq Study Group, walks into a Washington hotel.    (AP Photo/Kevin Wolf, File)AP - President-elect Barack Obama is completing his national security team by announcing his unusual choices for CIA director and a national intelligence director who may face tough Senate confirmation questioning over how he confronted the Indonesian military when civilian massacres were occurring in East Timor.



Florida's Tim Tebow (15) throws a pass over Oklahoma's Auston English (33) during the third quarter of the BCS Championship NCAA college football game in Miami, Thursday, Jan. 8, 2009. (AP Photo/Mark Humphrey)AP - The game defied expectations. Tim Tebow fulfilled them. He rescued No. 1 Florida, running through and throwing over No. 2 Oklahoma for a 24-14 victory Thursday night that gave the Gators their second BCS championship in three years.



A man walks past an electric market board in central Tokyo, Friday, Jan. 9, 2008. Japanese shares edged down Friday in lackluster trade as investors turned cautious ahead of U.S. jobs data that's likely to point to a deepening recession in the world's largest economy. The benchmark Nikkei 225 stock average lost 39.62 points, or 0.5 percent, to close 8,836.80. (AP Photo/Koji Sasahara)AP - Major Asian stock markets fell Friday amid more corporate gloom and worries that a key U.S. jobs report could show recession in the world's largest economy is deepening.



President-elect Barack Obama speaks about the economy at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va.,  Thursday, Jan. 8, 2009. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)AP - President-elect Barack Obama implored Congress on Thursday to "act boldly and act now" to fix an economy growing perilously weaker. Democratic and Republican lawmakers complained about his tax policies, letting Obama know they intend to place their own stamp on the economic recovery effort.



A sign instructs job seekers at the California Employment Development Department in Sunnyvale, Calif., Tuesday, Jan. 6, 2009. The country lost nearly 2 million jobs through November and more bad news is expected this week when the government releases data on weekly jobless claims and December unemployment. No matter how bad those numbers are, and economists expect at least another 500,000 jobs were lost last month, the pain is stretching into 2009.  (AP Photo/Marcio Jose Sanchez)AP - Trying to survive a deepening recession, employers are cutting their work forces to the bone, leaving more Americans unemployed and with dim prospects of finding a new job any time soon.



Vice President Dick Cheney pauses during an interview with the Associated Press at the White House in Washington Thursday, Jan. 8, 2009. (AP Photo/Ron Edmonds)AP - Vice President Dick Cheney, warning against impulsive U.S. action in Iraq, says that whether the struggling nation backslides into a cycle of violence partly depends on how President-elect Barack Obama decides to pull out American forces.



Freida Pinto backstage with the best picture award for 'Slumdog Millionaire' at the 14th Annual Critics' Choice Awards on Thursday Jan. 8, 2009 in Santa Monica, Calif. (AP Photo/Dan Steinberg)AP - The critics have spoken, and "Slumdog Millionaire" is their final answer.



Jaclyn Holt (R) fills out an application form at a job fair organized by the New Hampshire Employment Security agency in Salem, New Hampshire December 17, 2008. (Brian Snyder/Reuters)Reuters - U.S. employers probably cut the most jobs in at least 34 years last month as the global economic crisis gathered pace and moves by policy makers took time to filter through to struggling companies.



An Israeli army officer currently serving on the Gaza border kneels beside his children who came to meet him near Kfar Aza, just outside the northern Gaza Strip, January 7, 2009. As the children and their mother waited to meet the officer rockets exploded nearby. (Yannis Behrakis/Reuters)Reuters - Israel pushed ahead with its two-week-old offensive in the Gaza Strip, ignoring a U.N. Security Council resolution calling for an immediate ceasefire.



Reuters - A report being released on Friday alleges that the U.S. Treasury has failed to reveal its strategy for stabilizing the financial system, not answered questions asked by a government watchdog, and has done nothing to help struggling homeowners, the Wall Street Journal said.

A man works near a pressure gauge at a district heating plant in Skopje January 8, 2009. (Ognen Teofilovski/Reuters)Reuters - Europe sought a swift restoration of gas supplies on Friday after striking a deal with Moscow on monitoring gas shipments via Ukraine that have been halted by a pricing dispute with Kiev.



People taking the Long Island Foreclosure Tour arrive at a foreclosed home for sale in New Hyde Park, New York in this May 17, 2008 file photo. Citigroup could soon agree to principles that would let troubled borrowers save their homes through bankruptcy, sources familiar with the talks said on Thursday, while industry groups are easing their opposition to the plan. (Shannon Stapleton/Reuters)Reuters - Financial giant Citigroup Inc will support a proposal in Congress to rewrite U.S. bankruptcy law to help troubled mortgage borrowers avoid foreclosure, Chief Executive Vikram Pandit said on Thursday.



Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich gestures as he announces former Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris as his choice to fill the vacant U.S. Senate seat of President-elect Barack Obama during a news conference in Chicago, Illinois December 30, 2008. (Frank Polich/Reuters)Reuters - A legislative committee on Thursday recommended the impeachment of Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, citing widespread abuse of power including allegations he tried to sell the U.S. Senate seat vacated by President-elect Barack Obama.



Timothy Geithner (R), pictured in Chicago, November 24, 2008. (Jeff Haynes/Reuters)Reuters - President-elect Barack Obama's economic team is urgently overhauling the $700 billion financial rescue package to broaden its scope beyond Wall Street, The Washington Post reported on Friday.



Usama al-Kini, Al Qaeda's operations chief in Pakistan, is pictured in this undated FBI Most Wanted photograph. Al-Kini, also known as Fahid Mohammed Ally Msalam, and a top aide are believed to be dead, a U.S. counterterrorism official said on January 8, 2009, in what appeared to be the latest results of a campaign targeting the militant group's leadership. Operations chief al-Kini was thought responsible for attacks, including the bombing of a Marriott hotel in Islamabad that killed 55 people in September, and an unsuccessful attempt to kill former Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto, who was later assassinated in a separate attack, the official said. (FBI/Handout/Reuters)Reuters - Al Qaeda's operations chief in Pakistan and a top aide are believed to be dead, a U.S. counterterrorism official said on Thursday, in what appeared to be the latest results of a campaign targeting the militant group's leadership.



An Israeli army tank takes position on a hill at the border between Israel and the northern Gaza Strip on January 8, 2009. Israel was under intense pressure Friday to end its two-week-old offensive in the Gaza Strip after the UN Security Council called for an immediate ceasefire as the death toll from the war rose past 760.(AFP/David Buimovitch)AFP - Israel carried out new deadly air raids on the Gaza Strip on Friday as the UN Security Council called for an immediate ceasefire to end the two-week-old conflict in the Palestinian enclave.



A man carries firewood in the suburbs of Sofia, Bulgaria. European states deprived of Russian gas amid freezing weather were Friday hoping for a resumption of deliveries after the European Union claimed a breakthrough in the crisis between Moscow and Kiev.(AFP/Dimitar Dilkoff)AFP - European states deprived of Russian gas amid freezing weather were Friday hoping for a resumption of deliveries after the European Union claimed a breakthrough in the crisis between Moscow and Kiev.




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