Leadership Skill: How to Handle Difficult Conversations

A good leader has the ability to empower others. It is important that a leader develop people who want to share and help in carrying out the goals of the organization. If it is your intention to develop a company where employees feel valued and appreciated, then how you handle disagreements can be crucial.

1. Whatever the issue ? bring it up in private. When you bring up disagreements in public those not involved feel out-of-place and uncomfortable. Also, their opinion of you is lowered.

2. Be sure of what you want to say, do it as soon as you can and deal only with the facts. Know what you want to say before bringing up the issue and don't let a lot of time go by before you say anything. Letting the issue sit will not make it go away but will make it bigger. Resentment sets in when there is a problem or a difficult situation and nothing is being done to solve it.

3. There may be many issues that you want to discuss but discuss only one at a time. Too many issues at one time can be overwhelming and it will be difficult to come to a solution.

4. Keep your voice at a moderate tone and do not speak in an accusatory manner. Using a loud voice and an accusatory tone can be intimidating and will be seen as aggression and can lead to a battle of words where no one listens and both parties lose. For those more timid, when faced with an intimidating person they will retreat, say nothing or say anything to keep the peace.

5. Give the person a chance to state their feelings or opinion and if you think you have heard something that you do not like, ask them to repeat it and try to understand ? do not get defensive. Sometimes when we assume we know the whole story and in our quest to be 'right' we only half listen. Instead of listening to understand we listen to contradict. Listen to understand.

6. Look at the issue from their point-of-view. Do not assume you know what the other person is thinking or that you know the whole story. Do not bring up things that the person cannot change.

Treat the person with respect and try to come to a solution that will benefit both parties. If you were wrong apologize.

Sheila Dicks is a wardrobe and image consultant who teaches women how to look slimmer by dressing to suit their body type. Visit her at http://www.sheilasfashionsense.com to download a copy of her e-book Image Makeovers and get How to Build a Wardrobe free.

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Palestinians survey a kindergarten destroyed after an Israeli air strike in Gaza January 8, 2009. (Mohammed Salem/Reuters)AP - Israeli jets and helicopters bombarded Gaza early Friday and Hamas fired a barrage of rockets into southern Israel, indicating there may be no quick end to the fighting despite a U.N. resolution calling for an immediate cease-fire.



Rep. Jack Franks (D-Woodstock) votes to recommend the impeachment of Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich to the House during an Illinois House Impeachment Committee hearing Thursday, Jan. 8, 2009, in Springfield, Ill. The committee voted unanimously to recommend impeachment putting the matter before the full house.  (AP Photo/Seth Perlman)AP - Gov. Rod Blagojevich faces almost certain impeachment by the Illinois House, a historic step that would trigger a trial to determine whether the Democratic governor should be tossed out of office.



President-elect Barack Obama speaks about the economy at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va.,  Thursday, Jan. 8, 2009. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)AP - Lawmakers are under orders to finish action on President-elect Barack Obama's nearly $800 billion economic recovery plan by mid-February. But already it is plain that a set of serious fissures need to be bridged if the bill is to be completed within five weeks.



Pay Equity pioneer Lily Ledbetter addresses the Democratic National Convention in Denver, Tuesday, Aug. 26, 2008 file photo. Democrats are ushering in what they believe will be a new labor-friendly era in Washington with House votes on two bills aimed at helping women fight pay discrimination in the workplace. The House was to vote on the bills Friday Jan. 9, 2009, and they could reach Barack Obama's desk soon after he enters the White House.  One of the bills, the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, is a response to a 2007 Supreme Court decision that made it more difficult to sue over past pay discrimination.  (AP Photo/Ron Edmonds, FILE)AP - Democrats are ushering in what they believe will be a new labor-friendly era in Washington with House votes on two bills aimed at helping women fight pay discrimination in the workplace.



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In this Monday, Dec. 29, 2008 file image provided by Greenpeace, coal ash slurry left behind in a containment pond near the Tennessee Valley Authority's Kingston Fossil Plant is shown  in Harriman, Tenn., after the dyke at left broke Dec. 22, 2008. Millions of tons of toxic coal ash is piling up in power plant ponds in 32 states, a practice the federal government has long recognized as a risk to human health and the environment but has left unregulated. (AP Photo/Greeenpeace, Wade Payne)AP - Millions of tons of toxic coal ash is piling up in power plant ponds in 32 states, a practice the federal government has long recognized as a risk to human health and the environment but has left unregulated.



In this Dec. 5, 2006 file photo, Leon Panetta, then a member of the Iraq Study Group, walks into a Washington hotel.    (AP Photo/Kevin Wolf, File)AP - President-elect Barack Obama is completing his national security team by announcing his unusual choices for CIA director and a national intelligence director who may face tough Senate confirmation questioning over how he confronted the Indonesian military when civilian massacres were occurring in East Timor.



In this Dec. 1, 2008 file photo, Defense Secretary Robert Gates, second left, speaks as Vice President-elect Joe Biden, left, President-elect Barack Obama; and Secretary of State-designate Hillary Rodham Clinton, far right, listen at a news conference in Chicago.  (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak, File)AP - Just minutes after George W. Bush took the oath of office eight years ago, he signed papers formally nominating 13 Cabinet-level officials. Several hours later, the Senate, meeting in a special Saturday session, confirmed seven Cabinet secretaries, including the heads of the key posts at State, Treasury and Defense.



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Jaclyn Holt (R) fills out an application form at a job fair organized by the New Hampshire Employment Security agency in Salem, New Hampshire December 17, 2008. (Brian Snyder/Reuters)Reuters - U.S. employers probably cut the most jobs in at least 34 years last month as the global economic crisis gathered pace and moves by policy makers took time to filter through to struggling companies.



Egyptian citizens look at rising smoke during Israeli strikes at the Gaza Strip, in the Egyptian border city of Rafah January 7, 2009. (Asmaa Waguih/Reuters)Reuters - Israel pushed ahead with its two-week-old offensive in the Gaza Strip, ignoring a U.N. Security Council resolution calling for an immediate ceasefire.



Reuters - A report being released on Friday alleges that the U.S. Treasury has failed to reveal its strategy for stabilizing the financial system, not answered questions asked by a government watchdog, and has done nothing to help struggling homeowners, the Wall Street Journal said.

A pressure gauge is seen at a Ukrainian gas compressor station in the village of Boyarka near Kiev January 9, 2009 (Konstantin Chernichkin - UKRAINE/Reuters)Reuters - Europe sought a swift restoration of gas supplies on Friday after striking a deal with Moscow on monitoring gas shipments via Ukraine that have been halted by a pricing dispute with Kiev.



People taking the Long Island Foreclosure Tour arrive at a foreclosed home for sale in New Hyde Park, New York in this May 17, 2008 file photo. Citigroup could soon agree to principles that would let troubled borrowers save their homes through bankruptcy, sources familiar with the talks said on Thursday, while industry groups are easing their opposition to the plan. (Shannon Stapleton/Reuters)Reuters - Financial giant Citigroup Inc will support a proposal in Congress to rewrite U.S. bankruptcy law to help troubled mortgage borrowers avoid foreclosure, Chief Executive Vikram Pandit said on Thursday.



Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich gestures as he announces former Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris as his choice to fill the vacant U.S. Senate seat of President-elect Barack Obama during a news conference in Chicago, Illinois December 30, 2008. (Frank Polich/Reuters)Reuters - A legislative committee on Thursday recommended the impeachment of Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, citing widespread abuse of power including allegations he tried to sell the U.S. Senate seat vacated by President-elect Barack Obama.



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US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice speaks to an unidentified aide during a Security Council meeting at the United Nations. Israel and Hamas have launched heavy air strikes and rocket attacks on each other, ignoring a UN Security Council order on the warring rivals to end their conflict.(AFP/File/Timothy A. Clary)AFP - Israel and Hamas launched heavy air strikes and rocket attacks on each other Friday, ignoring a UN Security Council order on the warring rivals to end their conflict.



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