Lesson 61 - When Does Aggressiveness Turn Into Annoyance?

Home
>
Networking
>
Lesson 61 - When Does Aggressiveness Turn Into Annoyance?

Lesson 61 - When Does Aggressiveness Turn Into Annoyance?

The Story

When attending conferences, conventions, or private events, it's guaranteed that you will talk with many people, especially those sitting at your table. Perhaps you may talk with someone you haven't met before. Some time ago, while in attendance at an event, I was introduced to an insurance/financial consultant working for a major Fortune 500 company. He was very personable and the conversation was pleasant throughout the evening.

We exchanged business cards at the end of the night and parted ways. The next week I received a telephone call from the consultant requesting that I hire his firm to manage my financial portfolio. After I explained to him that I was already taken care of in that area I figured the discussion was over. Several weeks later he called again, and once again, he offered to have his company manage my portfolio. Again I expressed that I was happy with the company who was already managing my portfolio.

For several months the consultant called me attempting to lure my business to his company after I had explicitly said I would pass on the offer. After repeatedly turning him down, the consultant recommended my name to his colleague, who wanted to borrow my mailing list for his company's marketing purposes. I blatantly refused to lend my mailing list but I offered to help in other ways. In hindsight, I began to wonder if the man's entire introduction, from our first meeting forward, was designed expressly to profit his organization.

It was during a conversation with the second gentleman that I became even more annoyed. He said, "You should allow [the consultant] to manage your financial portfolio."

I quickly analyzed the situation. The consultant definitely asked this other guy to say something to me about managing my portfolio. It was at this point that I terminated all communication with the both of them. But Horace Jones, President and CEO of ARTI, Inc. said it best "Tolerance levels vary with different people, but they depend on the type of business that is being represented and how it is being represented. If a declaration has been made and the person still becomes a problem, let them know."

Vincent Alvarez, IT Technical Manager said, "Aggressiveness is usually a tool employed to obtain a desired decision while arguing a point. Aggressiveness turns into annoyance once a decision has been made to continue making your point after the point is mute. On the other hand, if the person making the decision doesn't explicitly communicate his position clearly to the other party, this causes continuance."

Alvarez went on to say that "When this happens often to avoid problems the decision maker should re-state his position instead of putting off the person with a "maybe next week" attitude. This is because the person will keep trying to get a firm decision until satisfied, and most people will do whatever necessary to get what they want, which can be annoying in and of itself.

Jocelyn Cooley, an Executive Recruiter with America Online/Time Warner Inc., said during our interview that "Being aggressive can be a good thing, but many people become annoyed when a person doesn't give the proper amount of time to perform the task that was agreed upon. Included with that is how professional the follow-up is made. Whether by telephone, email, or written letter, remember to be savvy and know what's what. Also, remember that recruiters and hiring managers have a responsibility to give constructive feedback to prospective candidates when they have crossed over the line from aggressiveness to annoyance.

The Lesson

There are many ways people can become annoying in their pursuit of your business patronage. It is imperative that when you meet new alliances, or while in your existing partnerships, you learn to listen and don't be conniving in trying to change someone's mind or attempt to use others to do your dirty work for you. The result may be the loss of an alliance and receiving a bad reputation, so, learning to listen is key.

More importantly, it is the style and method that you approach people with which matters most. Using a non-aggressive approach each time will give you yardage on each initial contact. Keep an open mind, get a proper decision, and express interest in speaking in the future. If you follow these guidelines your party will not be annoyed, and will seek your business skills in the future.

Melvin Murphy, consummate speaker, author and seminar leader has written several books including the latest titled, "It's Who You Know! Creating Alliances and Partneships Through Networking" which this article is excerted. Comments to: MMurphy833@aol.com or Melvin@Partnershipsolutions.net

In The News:

Yahoo! News: Top Stories

UAW to renegotiate labor terms, suspend jobs bank (AP)

AP - The United Auto Workers said Wednesday it is willing to change its contracts with U.S. automakers and accept delayed payments of billions of dollars to a union-run health care trust to do its part to help the struggling companies secure $34 billion in government loans.

Obama: Financial bailout must help homeowners, too (AP)

AP - President-elect Barack Obama signaled a clear desire Wednesday to use a significant portion of $700 billion in financial bailout funds to stanch foreclosures by helping struggling homeowners with their mortgages. "The deteriorating assets in the financial markets are rooted in the deterioration of people being able to pay their mortgages and stay in their homes," he said.

Leftover explosives found in Mumbai train station (AP)

AP - Police on Wednesday discovered leftover explosives hidden in a bag in Mumbai's main train station Â— a stunning new example of botched security after the deadly rampage that left the government open to accusations it missed warnings and bungled its response.

Obama names Richardson to head Commerce Department (AP)

AP - President-elect Barack Obama named New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson as commerce secretary on Wednesday, filling a top economic post in troubled times and placing a second former campaign rival in his new Cabinet.

Cruise passengers describe "cheeky" pirate attack (AP)

AP - Ordered to get inside and stay down, Oregon tourist Clyde Thornburg heard the pirates' rifle shots hit the side of the luxury cruise liner Â— "Pop! Pop! Pop!" Â— then felt the ship speed up to escape.

Police arrest aunt in Calif. shackled teen case (AP)

AP - The aunt and one-time guardian of an emaciated and shackled 17-year-old has been arrested, as police tried to determine how she knew the couple accused of holding the teen against his will for nearly a year.

Scientists ask: Is technology rewiring our brains? (AP)

AP - What does a teenage brain on Google look like? Do all those hours spent online rewire the circuitry? Could these kids even relate better to emoticons than to real people? These sound like concerns from worried parents. But they're coming from brain scientists.

Lawyers: Hudson in-law angered by wife's dating (AP)

AP - Prosecutors allege Jennifer Hudson's estranged brother-in-law killed three family members because he was angry the singer's sister was dating another man.

The one that didn't get away yields long-lost ring (AP)

AP - The one that didn't get away held an unlikely surprise for a Texas man. The blue-stoned class ring of Joe Richardson, engraved with his name, turned up inside an 8-pound bass 21 years after he lost it while fishing on Lake Sam Rayburn.

Red Sox give AL MVP Pedroia a 6-year, $40.5M deal (AP)

AP - AL Most Valuable Player Dustin Pedroia and the Boston Red Sox agreed Wednesday to a $40.5 million, six-year contract. The deal includes a club option for 2015. He would not have been eligible for free agency until after the 2012 season.

Obama says automakers' plan is "more serious" (Reuters)

Reuters - President-elect Barack Obama said on Wednesday struggling automakers have put forward a "more serious" restructuring proposal to Congress but withheld judgment on the plans until hearings are held.

Deepening recession fears foreshadow rate cuts (Reuters)

Reuters - Record declines in the vast U.S. and European service sectors and more bleak U.S. employment news on Wednesday sparked fear of an economic "free fall," setting up another round of deep interest rate cuts.

Rice urges Pakistan to cooperate in Mumbai probe (Reuters)

Reuters - U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice urged Pakistan on Wednesday to cooperate "fully and transparently" in investigations into the Mumbai attacks that have upset India-Pakistan relations.

All options on table as Congress reviews autos bailout (Reuters)

Reuters - All options were on the table on Wednesday as congressional committees scrutinized auto company restructuring proposals and an urgent appeal for $34 billion in aid ahead of make-or-break hearings.

Senate Democrats will pack plenty of muscle (Reuters)

Reuters - Senate Democrats will be able to do plenty over the next two years -- despite falling just short of their goal of winning a majority big enough to end Republican procedural roadblocks.

Paulson said weighing bailout's next $350 billion (Reuters)

Reuters - Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson is weighing whether to ask Congress for the remaining $350 billion of the financial bailout fund, with White House aides approaching President-elect Barack Obama's transition team about the idea, an Obama aide said on Wednesday.

U.S.-led coalition in Iraq dwindles as allies leave (Reuters)

Reuters - A string of departures by the U.S. military's allies in Iraq is turning into an exodus as violence subsides and the end of a U.N. mandate permitting their deployment to the country approaches.

Thai protesters lift airport siege (Reuters)

Reuters - Anti-government protesters lifted their crippling, eight-day blockade of Thailand's main airport on Wednesday, raising the hopes of 230,000 stranded tourists even though there is no end in sight to the wider political crisis.

India warns all options open with Pakistan after Mumbai attacks (AFP)

AFP - India on Wednesday warned that all options were open in dealing with Pakistan after last week's attacks on Mumbai, as the United States pressured Islamabad to show urgent cooperation with the probe.

Riot police break up Zimbabwe protests as cholera deaths mount (AFP)

AFP - Baton-wielding riot police broke up protests in Harare and detained dozens Wednesday, as the death toll of a cholera epidemic neared 600 in Zimbabwe's worsening health and economic crises.

Lesson 61 - When Does Aggressiveness Turn Into Annoyance?

Networking Networking